Blogfeeder - The Copywriting and Marketing Blog from Wordfeeder.com

Bath & Body Works Writes Horrible Copy

I admit it; I'm one of those people who reads the back of the shampoo bottle when I'm in the shower. I want to know what's in the stuff I'm buying. What can I say? I'm an advertising copywriter and I live for the words and the hype!

That said: I received a thoughtful little Valentine's Day gift from my honey this year. "Natural" bath wash, bath salt and scrub from Bath & Body Works. Upon use of the products, I quickly noted that whoever wrote the copy for these Aromatherapy bath items had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Let me tell you about my experience.

First I sampled the "Tranquil Mint Sugar Scrub." I suppose, having some knowledge of herbs and which ones produce which types of reactions, I should have realized that a scrub made of mint would be anything but tranquil. But the label told me that this formula "relieves stress" - so, like every other fool, I believed it. Go ahead, squirt something pepperminty into your bath and tell me what happens. The icy cold sensation of a York Peppermint Patty comes to mind. Stress relief? I beg to differ. So much for that copy.

Next up was the Body Wash & Foam Bath. This one was much more tolerable, and in fact seemed to live up to its claim that I would be more relaxed after soaking in a hot tub of vanilla and lavender-tinged water. However, oh, that godawful copy! Can I please just iterate the contents of the label for you now, so you too, can experience it in all its wretchedness?

 "Relax before sleep. Lavendar Essential Oil soothes and calms so you can sleep better. Vanilla Absolute helps calm feelings of stress that can keep you from falling asleep."

Okay, first, the repeated words. In three sentences, "sleep" was used three times (I'm counting "asleep" since it's a variation on the word sleep). "Calm" was said twice... and to make matters worse, all three sentences repeat the same exact idea in slightly different ways.

That is HORRIBLE copy! You could pack so much more into those three little lines. Think about it. You can talk about the pleasant aroma. The delightful foam in your warm bath. You can discuss how healthy it is for your skin, or how the company takes pride in its use of natural ingredients. There are so many directions one can take with said copy, and it all starts with THE COPYWRITER ACTUALLY USING THE PRODUCT. I believe that if whoever wrote this HAD sampled the goods, they never would have called the mint sugar scrub a "stress reliever." If anything, I felt even more stressed after I used it!

Okay, I'm done complaining. Happy copywriting and happy day to you!

Dina at Wordfeeder Copywriting and Marketing

 

Wasted Words

I'm going to file this under CopyWrong, because I know it isn't right, but I can't help thinking about it. The other day I dug up the 2nd draft from a book I essentially wrote (a couple of years ago) for one of my clients. I was comparing to what was actually published after she and a couple of red-marker-happy editors sank their teeth into the draft.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with other people making changes to the copy if it means an overall improvement. And I don't even have a problem with the client deciding, "Hey, this doesn't sound like me at all, so I'm going to take it out."

What I DO have a problem with (and sometimes there's really just nothing you can do) is when the book turns out to be less of a book because the people who edited what you wrote really didn't know what they were doing.

Ah, that felt good. Now I don't mean to slight my client because for some reason she seems pretty enamored with the ladies who edited the last few rounds of her copy, but. The writing was LESS good in the end than it was in the beginning. Not the content - I mean the actual WRITING.

I'm starting to babble, but here's what I was trying to spit out in the first place. I was reading that old draft, and I was laughing at one part in particular. I had cracked a joke, and a pretty good one if I do say so myself. Well, my client removed that section of copy, and again, I don't take issue with that decision because it's HER book. But it's disappointing to me that I can't recycle that little funny I made, find someplace else to use it where the line will be appreciated.

The thing is... you CAN'T swipe pieces of your clients' old drafts, not if they paid you to write FOR them. Because even if they don't use what you gave them where they said they would... they essentially BOUGHT that copy and so down the road they can put it anywhere they'd like.

I can think of other clients who opted not to use certain killer lines and things that I really thought "made" the piece. What it all boils down to is that people are really afraid to speak with conviction or come across as having an edge.

But DAMN! I'd love to take that copy back and keep it for myself. As the Allmans say... Wasted Words, my friends. Wasted words.

Locating Missing Temp Files Because You Forgot to Do a Save-As in MS Outlook

This morning an emergency email came in from my corporate client who I was trying so hard to get the copy out to in record time. In my haste, I had sent them the wrong document draft, and it was all because I must have opened up an attached file straight in MS Outlook and forgot to do a Save-As to the correct folder. I haven't made this type of error in years. I blame it on the fact that I was on the phone with the project manager while simultaneously editing the copy. Multi-tasking is bad. Multi-tasking when you're half starving due to your new "healthy eating" campaign is also bad.

So, for anyone out there who has committed such a dastardly deed, here's how to rectify it.

The missing file is hiding in the Temp folder of your PC. Unfortunately, that folder is buried deep in the hierarchy of folders and is tough to locate. So here's one solution.

1. Hit START, the SEARCH.

2. Click on ALL FILES AND FOLDERS

3. Under "a word or phrase in the file," type OLK

(OLK is the folder where the temp files from MS Outlook are stored.)

4. Under "look in," highlight "My Computer."

5. While still in the Search box, scroll all the way down. Check the boxes that say "Search hidden files and folders" and "Search Subfolders".

6. Hit Search. When the OLK folder shows up, double click that. Look for the filename that you would have called your document, then the most recent version. MS Outlook puts a number in parenthesis after the filename each time a new version is created. For example, your file might be called DogDayCare (4).

7. Make sure you open that file and do a SAVE-AS to the appropriate folder where you intended to store in the first place.

In addition to the above, you can check out the advice that this person shared... the project manager sent me this link to help solve the problem. Thanks, Liz!

http://www.groovypost.com/howto/microsoft/outlook/find-the-microsoft-outlook-temporary-olk-folder/

Copywriter Hating the Melty Cheese Commercial

I just have to say that whoever invented the term "melty cheese" should be flogged. Melty cheese... intended to convey the technique that chain restaurants use to make ordinary entrees more appealing by smothering and slathering them with mass quantities of cheese, glorious cheese?

(Which, by the way, only seems to happen in the ads. When you get the actual meal in a restaurant, it's usually sporting one sad-looking, partially microwaved gob of cheese. When you go to cut into your food with your butter knife, that one rubbery lump of cheese goes sliding off the side of the meat it was resting on and slithers onto your napkin).

Not that I think cheese is unappealing, mind you - quite the opposite. It's the term that I find offensive. MELTY cheese. Or, the way a certain taco chain refers to it as MELTY, MELTY CHEESE. With that montage of extremely happy people cavorting about, clutching their burritos, tearing goobs of stretchy, stringy MELTY cheese out of the sandwich with their teeth and smiling their cheesy smiles.

Um, I believe it's MELTED cheese,  not "melty" cheese. MELTY MELTY MELTY... AHHH. Stop it, I say.

You know this isn't the end of the melty cheese. You know it's got to make the rounds, the same way that Cabbage Patch Dolls did in the '80s or the way everyone and their mother said "You go, girl!!" for any given reason in the '90s.

"Hey, wanna get takeout?"

"Oooh. Yeah, get me one of those things with the melty cheese!"

Oh GOD, I can't TAKE it.

This feisty Monday blog post brought to you by Dina at Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing.

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Clarity in Your Copywriting

I came across this article today on Yahoo news: "Americans go to Mexico for a cheaper perfect smile." I was reading along, scanning to find out "how much cheaper?" when this sentence caught my eye:

"U.S. dental treatment costs up to four times as much as in Mexico, making it tough for uninsured Americans to treat common problems such as abscessed teeth or pay for dentures."

Actually, I stumbled when I read it. And here's why. All those prepositions are distorting the meaning. Wait - did I hear you right? You said dental treatment costs four times as much in Mexico? So I should stay in the country if I want to get work done on my teeth?

No. Dental treatment costs four times AS much AS in Mexico.

But the reader shouldn't have to look twice to see this. It's a perfect example of what I'm always squawking about - writing with clarity.

A better version of the same sentence:

Dental treatment costs four times more in the U.S. than in Mexico.

The grammar may be not quite as "logical" as some strict English teachers might demand. But that's not how people talk. If Yahoo doesn't think it's important to initial cap the headline as is appropriate, then they should bend a little on this line, for the sake of understanding.

This is the web. I shouldn't need Windex to get your meaning. More importantly, neither should your customers.

Get your copywriting on the fly... email dina@wordfeeder.com!

Nothing works here.

Does anyone out there remember a "virtual reality" type show on HBO that revealed a Day in the Life at a mental asylum? They basically walked around and took footage of the crazies, flipping out on each other. It was both humorous and tragic.

I can recall this one patient, classic OCD, pacing bath and forth. He kept yelling, "NOTHING WORKS HERE. THE MEDICATION DOESN'T WORK."

That's how I feel about Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing this week. I'll give you my laundry list of issues that kept me from moving forward with things:

1. My virtual assistant is now pregnant with her sixth child and will be managing her family business from here forward instead of taking care of the Wordfeeder. (Time for a new VA). So, for any copywriting client who wanted article distribution or press release submissions, please BYOVA. I am unable to accommodate you on these services, at least for the time being. While I'm talking about it, are there any available VA's out there who could maybe blow my mind with their impeccable attention to detail and speedy project turnaround? I'm picky and exacting, and you will be schooled in How to Serve the Client if you work with me. Up for the challenge?

2. Our old friend Craig of Craigslist fame has rung in the New Year with a Nofollow tag that automatically gets inserted in your HTML when you post. Goodbye, link juice. Additionally, I suspect he's done something to block images (or maybe this nofollow thing is the reason for the blocked images) - because all the images from my CL ads are now missing. A great way to come across as professional, post CL ads with big spaces where the pictures were supposed to go. Thanks Craig, you're number one.

3.  The majority of copywriting assignment requests I received from clients are vague and completely devoid of structure. This upsets me. The thing is, I know that ALL of my clients are concerned with keeping the budget down. Time is money, and the more time that's spent floundering around trying to come up with a plan, the more money is lost. But on whose side? I don't want to have to bill people for all the time spent pulling ideas out of a hat and wondering if they're going to like what I come up with. And on the other hand, I hope people don't expect that "project development" is a nonbillable because it really isn't. I don't think that many of my clients would intentionally do this, I think that maybe no one feels much like taking charge of the plan. Perhaps next week will be more productive.

4. I updated my Copywriting on the Fly blog, and lost all of my categories and widgets in the process. Did you know that your blog categories are the sole reason why your blog gets found for your keywords in the first place? Yes, I'm spilling all the secrets today. It happened because my webhost asked me to upgrade my Wordpress platform to a more secure version. There was no warning label or disclaimer. Now I'll be dropping a couple hundred to have someone put back all the categories and fix whatever is wrong with my blog. Nice.

5. My web host, Powweb.com, seems to have taken a "hit" today. Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing was down for a good part of the day, making it impossible for me to log on in Dreamweaver and update some pages as I'd planned, OR launch the latest issue of my copywriting newsletter which appears to be not going out this month. So in lieu of those two jobs, I opted to type out the whiny post that you're reading now. Except that a crazy thing happened when I went to post it. Typepad also went down and took my post with it! So now I'm trying to recapture what I wrote this afternoon. Only this time I'm doing it in a Word document first. My momma didn't raise no fool.

Did I mention that my house closing is delayed indefinitely while we work out the electrical issues? Well, it is.

Nothing works here. The medication doesn't work.

Dina at Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing

Copywriting Clients and Editing Skills

Okay, it's post-lunch and this seems like the right time to talk about copywriting clients, content drafts, and the last wrap-up.

I just want to stress here for all business professionals: the final touches we make on our marketing collateral are every bit as important as the first draft that gets created, if not more so.

My copywriting clients have a habit of taking the drafts I send them, and doing a little this or that to them after the fact. Next thing I know, they're scrambling off to go post it on a blog or enter the copy into an article submission box. And I applaud this brand of enthusiasm. HOWEVER...

What ends up happening in nearly every case is that an awkward line slips by, a couple of typos sneak their way into their article, a link doesn't get linked in the press release, and so forth.

When I send out a copywriting draft for ANY client, I expect that they will send it back to me with remarks. What should then happen is that I incorporate any changes they suggest, and then give it a final proof. When I'm satisfied, and ONLY when I'm satisfied, "off she goes."

It's often in that final round of eyeballing that I'm able to "seek and destroy" those accidentally repeated words and ideas, run-ons, the wayward punctuation mark, and other minor issues that make our copy less than perfect.

We want it to be PERFECT. So if you get the urge to tinker, feel free. But PLEASE send me a copy of your latest so I can give it my blessing. We'll all be a lot happier in the end.

Dina at Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing

Copywriting Tip: Directions vs. Instructions

I just want to clear something up for all those who tell their friends to "follow the directions" when learning how to do something new such as follow a recipe, build something, create a project, and so forth.

In that case, the correct phrase is: "Follow the instructions."

When you follow directions, you're trying to get somewhere - by foot, by car, by bus, by plane, by boat, etc. and you are asking to be directed from point A to point B.

Instructions teach you how to DO something - they instruct.
Directions explain how to GET somewhere - they direct. (It also helps to think of the term "direct traffic.")

Next time you have occasion to use the term "follow the (directions/instructions)," remember this helpful tip!

Dina at Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing

Google Adsense Confusion Part Deux

So I thought I'd be slick and "update my address" on Google Adsense, this way they'd have to send me a new PIN (even though my address hasn't actually changed). What I actually did was update the phone number - so that should "count" as an update and lead me to the next step. Right? Wrong. Here, let's review the copy on this page and see where things went awry:

Can you send a PIN to my new address?

If there is an error in your address, or if you've moved to a new address, you'll need to update the payment address in your publisher account. To do so:

1. Log in to your AdSense account at www.google.com/adsense
2. Click the My Account tab
3. Click the Payee Information [edit] link
4. Edit the appropriate address fields. Please note that the Country and Payee Name fields cannot be edited.
5. Click Save Changes

Once your address has been updated, you can request a new PIN be sent to your updated address. To do so, click the PIN Information link from the My Account page.

(The above was pasted directly from Google Adsense's internal website.)

Again, there IS NO "PIN Information" link from the Accounts page. Google, get a copywriter. Seriously.

Google Adsense Lost PIN Problem

Saturday Rant from the Copywriting Chick:

I haven't been able to get into my Google Adsense account in TWO YEARS. That's because they sent me a PIN and I accidently tossed the little cute postcard that they typed it on into the garbage.

This would not be a problem except that their website makes it impossible to follow the instructions on getting a new PIN mailed to your home. Let me share the exact wording with you:

How can I request a new PIN?

If you haven't received your PIN, or if it has been lost, you're welcome to request up to two additional PINs. Note that you'll need to wait 3 weeks after your last PIN was mailed before requesting a new one.

To request a new PIN:

1. Log in to your AdSense account at https://www.google.com/adsense
2. Click the My Account tab
3. Continue to the Payment History page
4. Click the Please enter your PIN link
5. Click Request a new PIN

We'll then mail a new PIN to the address in your account.

(The above was pasted directly from Google Adsense's internal website.)

Know why this is so confusing? Because of the line in red, above. THERE IS NO "ENTER YOUR PIN" LINK.

Maybe at one time, these instructions were correct, but they aren't anymore. Furthermore, I've sent three help requests using Google's online form and I always get a COMPUTER GENERATED RESPONSE which tells me the exact same message as above.

At one point I found a 1800 number and called that, and if memory serves, I was bounced around to a few different departments, none of whom had any clue how to help me.

You know, it's great to be able to build a complex system such as that which runs the Google Adsense program. But there's a lot more involved than just having a copywriter write the initial message.

1. You need testers there, double checking that what's written makes sense and is easy to follow.
2. The testers should be clicking the links to make sure traffic's being routed to the proper place.
3. You need follow-up. When the system gets updated, so should the copywriting.
4. There should be a clear way to get in touch with a HUMAN BEING should any malfunction (such as this one) occur.

If you're the guy who's in charge of Google Adsense, can you maybe update this little issue on your instructions? This copywriting and marketing expert would really like to be paid. And who knows. Maybe if I could access my Adsense funds, I'd actually intregrate your system into future projects.

Dina at Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing