I admit it; I'm one of those people who reads the back of the shampoo bottle when I'm in the shower. I want to know what's in the stuff I'm buying. What can I say? I'm an advertising copywriter and I live for the words and the hype!
That said: I received a thoughtful little Valentine's Day gift from my honey this year. "Natural" bath wash, bath salt and scrub from Bath & Body Works. Upon use of the products, I quickly noted that whoever wrote the copy for these Aromatherapy bath items had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Let me tell you about my experience.
First I sampled the "Tranquil Mint Sugar Scrub." I suppose, having some knowledge of herbs and which ones produce which types of reactions, I should have realized that a scrub made of mint would be anything but tranquil. But the label told me that this formula "relieves stress" - so, like every other fool, I believed it. Go ahead, squirt something pepperminty into your bath and tell me what happens. The icy cold sensation of a York Peppermint Patty comes to mind. Stress relief? I beg to differ. So much for that copy.
Next up was the Body Wash & Foam Bath. This one was much more tolerable, and in fact seemed to live up to its claim that I would be more relaxed after soaking in a hot tub of vanilla and lavender-tinged water. However, oh, that godawful copy! Can I please just iterate the contents of the label for you now, so you too, can experience it in all its wretchedness?
"Relax before sleep. Lavendar Essential Oil soothes and calms so you can sleep better. Vanilla Absolute helps calm feelings of stress that can keep you from falling asleep."
Okay, first, the repeated words. In three sentences, "sleep" was used three times (I'm counting "asleep" since it's a variation on the word sleep). "Calm" was said twice... and to make matters worse, all three sentences repeat the same exact idea in slightly different ways.
That is HORRIBLE copy! You could pack so much more into those three little lines. Think about it. You can talk about the pleasant aroma. The delightful foam in your warm bath. You can discuss how healthy it is for your skin, or how the company takes pride in its use of natural ingredients. There are so many directions one can take with said copy, and it all starts with THE COPYWRITER ACTUALLY USING THE PRODUCT. I believe that if whoever wrote this HAD sampled the goods, they never would have called the mint sugar scrub a "stress reliever." If anything, I felt even more stressed after I used it!
Okay, I'm done complaining. Happy copywriting and happy day to you!
Dina at Wordfeeder Copywriting and Marketing
